It's almost three in the morning, the morning of my birthday. I just got back from seeing the Dark Knight (amazing movie), but that's not why I felt the need to write in the early morning hours.
I mentioned before in my earlier posts that I am in no way a "ladies man", which I was reminded of tonight. You see, I accept the fact that I'm not smooth, and when in doubt of what to say, I don't say anything at all. I'm the self-proclaimed king of rejection, I'm afraid. I have what rejection looks like and the awkardness that follows in the days and weeks down to an art. I've been told every reason in the book why I'm a great guy, but just not "that" guy, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I cherish friendships, but I'm beginning to wonder what in the world "that" guy is supposed to be. It's so confusing to me. I am myself, but apparently a good guy kind of self doesn't cut it as opposed to "that" kind of self. I was raised to treat others with respect and to simply be myself with other people, but it feels like respect isn't what people are looking for anymore. It's frustrating, because I want to offer more, but no one seems to want it.
I don't write this because I'm upset at anyone; I write this because I am confused and upset at times because I know rejection so well. It's really late, and apparently I turn 17 today. yay!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Home
Wow, what a week. Tonight I along with over 80 of my fellow youth returned from the week of missions, worship, and craziness that is M-Fuge. Let me start by saying that I can't think of a better group of people to spend the week with in the city of Mobile; you guys are awesome.
Every year, God teaches me something new. This year, it was that I am important to Christ and that I am loved. Not loved only by Christ, but by my peers also. This past week, I feel like a friendship with a friend of mine was strengthened to the point where it could withstand a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris, and that, friends, is a strong relationship. Considering she is someone I saw as a sister before the week began, I praise God for how strong our relationship has become in the midst of a weekt that was God-centered. I praise God for blessing me with a friend I can also call sister.
Anyway, as for the missions itself, I got the chance to be a part of the Games and Rec track this week. My track leader, Dustin (aka Tim Cougar), was a blessing to me and hopefully to the rest of the group. He's an instrument for Christ if I've ever seen one. I feel blessed to have gotten to know him and to have been able to spend the week with him. As for our track group, there were 30 total, 7 of those being from FP, and what a group it was. I enjoyed the company of every person there. Two guys I met, Dan and Greg, were awesome guys to get to know and it was a joy to see the work of Christ carried out through them. They're a couple of classy guys, that's for sure. We went to an apartment complex called the Family Place, and just to see the joy in these kids eyes from just loving on them and playing with them and just showing the love of Christ was a blessing to sasy the least. The guys in my track group were incredible, and help make this week a memorable one.
At the beginning of the week, we talked among our church group about students, regardless of age, can make an impact on their ministry sites. I experienced this first-hand. Sara McCutcheon and Debra Story absolutely blew me away at site this week. Every single child they came in contact with, they loved on them like Jesus would and treated every child like they were special. Those two young women have great futures ahead of them for sure.
There's this thing at Fuge called Mega Relay. It's basically a relay between every single track group at the camp. It's the night of this event where people go absolutely crazy and have the time of their lives with a group of believers. The different parts of the relay are fun and at times absolutely crazy. I had to eat peanut butter and jelly off of a guy's face with a bun, if that gives you some insight. That was also the first time I"ve ever had jelly, the stuff's not half-bad. I am proud to say, that we won the relay part hands-down, but didn't win the spirit award, but it's ok, we had to give the other groups something haha, just kidding of course. As crazy as our group was, there was groups that went above and beyond, and were quite a sight to see.
As for me, I limped quite a bit this week. The first day on sight while we were playing kickball with the kids I stepped into a hole while I was running around and apparantly ripped a ligament of the bone in my foot. It wasn't my first choice on how to spend the week, but I wasn't about to let a bum foot ruin my week at Fuge. It's about the work God has for us to do rather than about us, and that thought helped me get through when my foot really ached.
This past week was incredible, and I praise my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to experience ever minute of it. God moved in a big way and it was amazing to see up close and personal.
When I arrived home this evening, I brought my suitcase into my room, went to my living room, collapsed on the couch, and just began to cry my eyes out. I was already missing the people I had met and the great staff that guided us the previous week. The reality that I was back home and the reality of the real world had began to sunk in, and after a week with fellow Christians, reality wasn't the best feeling in the world. I was afraid of losing the intimacy I had found with God in the past week, which is usually the standard when coming off of the "camp high". I began to focus on things other than Christ in those moments and it made my doubt grow even stronger. I was able to see though, that with God's aide, and with focus on him, everything that is not Christ will fall into line according to his will. And that friends, is a concept, though hard for me to practice, is a concept that is attainable, and is capable of filling us with joy. Christ's love is bigger than our doubts and worries, and with focus on him, our doubts and worries can become next to nothing at all. Praise Him.
Every year, God teaches me something new. This year, it was that I am important to Christ and that I am loved. Not loved only by Christ, but by my peers also. This past week, I feel like a friendship with a friend of mine was strengthened to the point where it could withstand a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris, and that, friends, is a strong relationship. Considering she is someone I saw as a sister before the week began, I praise God for how strong our relationship has become in the midst of a weekt that was God-centered. I praise God for blessing me with a friend I can also call sister.
Anyway, as for the missions itself, I got the chance to be a part of the Games and Rec track this week. My track leader, Dustin (aka Tim Cougar), was a blessing to me and hopefully to the rest of the group. He's an instrument for Christ if I've ever seen one. I feel blessed to have gotten to know him and to have been able to spend the week with him. As for our track group, there were 30 total, 7 of those being from FP, and what a group it was. I enjoyed the company of every person there. Two guys I met, Dan and Greg, were awesome guys to get to know and it was a joy to see the work of Christ carried out through them. They're a couple of classy guys, that's for sure. We went to an apartment complex called the Family Place, and just to see the joy in these kids eyes from just loving on them and playing with them and just showing the love of Christ was a blessing to sasy the least. The guys in my track group were incredible, and help make this week a memorable one.
At the beginning of the week, we talked among our church group about students, regardless of age, can make an impact on their ministry sites. I experienced this first-hand. Sara McCutcheon and Debra Story absolutely blew me away at site this week. Every single child they came in contact with, they loved on them like Jesus would and treated every child like they were special. Those two young women have great futures ahead of them for sure.
There's this thing at Fuge called Mega Relay. It's basically a relay between every single track group at the camp. It's the night of this event where people go absolutely crazy and have the time of their lives with a group of believers. The different parts of the relay are fun and at times absolutely crazy. I had to eat peanut butter and jelly off of a guy's face with a bun, if that gives you some insight. That was also the first time I"ve ever had jelly, the stuff's not half-bad. I am proud to say, that we won the relay part hands-down, but didn't win the spirit award, but it's ok, we had to give the other groups something haha, just kidding of course. As crazy as our group was, there was groups that went above and beyond, and were quite a sight to see.
As for me, I limped quite a bit this week. The first day on sight while we were playing kickball with the kids I stepped into a hole while I was running around and apparantly ripped a ligament of the bone in my foot. It wasn't my first choice on how to spend the week, but I wasn't about to let a bum foot ruin my week at Fuge. It's about the work God has for us to do rather than about us, and that thought helped me get through when my foot really ached.
This past week was incredible, and I praise my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to experience ever minute of it. God moved in a big way and it was amazing to see up close and personal.
When I arrived home this evening, I brought my suitcase into my room, went to my living room, collapsed on the couch, and just began to cry my eyes out. I was already missing the people I had met and the great staff that guided us the previous week. The reality that I was back home and the reality of the real world had began to sunk in, and after a week with fellow Christians, reality wasn't the best feeling in the world. I was afraid of losing the intimacy I had found with God in the past week, which is usually the standard when coming off of the "camp high". I began to focus on things other than Christ in those moments and it made my doubt grow even stronger. I was able to see though, that with God's aide, and with focus on him, everything that is not Christ will fall into line according to his will. And that friends, is a concept, though hard for me to practice, is a concept that is attainable, and is capable of filling us with joy. Christ's love is bigger than our doubts and worries, and with focus on him, our doubts and worries can become next to nothing at all. Praise Him.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Fuge
It's 8:35 pm. Our youth group leaves for Fuge in about 8 hours and 25 minutes. I've been on this trip three times before, but it doesn't change the fact that I still have some butterflies in my stomach about the upcoming week. Not the bad kind of butterflies, but the kind of good butterflies like the ones in that game that came out when we were kids where they shot up in the air and you had to catch them with a net. Dancing butterflies, I guess you could call them. I'm anxious to see where God is leading not only myself but my fellow friends and youth this week. In all honesty, I've never led anyone to Christ at Fuge, but there's a first time for everything I guess. Like I've said before, I'm as shy a person as you'll ever meet, but God seems to bring out the best in me when it comes to socializing on these trips.
While God, the missions, the new friendships, and meeting needs is why we go, I want to mention what we leave behind.
The thing about trips like Fuge is that our only problem becomes God. Let me elaborate. When we're at home, many of our everyday problems and troubles are trivial, like our obsessions with having the best clothes, accessories, etc., or who has the best tan, or whatever the case may be. The reason I say God becomes our only problem is because He allows us to see things about ourselves we don't want to see, because we are blinded by a society that surrounds us into thinking that a lukewarm relationship with Christ is actually an extraordinary relationship with Christ. Society's become that bad, it's easy for us to think we're that good.
For me personally, I leave behind the load of cow dung (putting it nicely) that is summer reading, and I leave behind a situation where I don't have a clue what's going on (hopefully I will in about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks, anyway, that's another story for another day). Crap and confusion, in which both cases are of no long-term importance. But when we tend to think that our problems ought to be the world's problem, trivial things become catastrophes.
What I'm trying to say is, at Fuge, we lose sight of what is trivial, and get the tiniest, yet awesome grasp of what is eternal and what is real. We see that we are that ugly and we see that God is that beautiful and forgiving and loving. It's going to be a great week. Please pray for everyone involved. Night guys.
While God, the missions, the new friendships, and meeting needs is why we go, I want to mention what we leave behind.
The thing about trips like Fuge is that our only problem becomes God. Let me elaborate. When we're at home, many of our everyday problems and troubles are trivial, like our obsessions with having the best clothes, accessories, etc., or who has the best tan, or whatever the case may be. The reason I say God becomes our only problem is because He allows us to see things about ourselves we don't want to see, because we are blinded by a society that surrounds us into thinking that a lukewarm relationship with Christ is actually an extraordinary relationship with Christ. Society's become that bad, it's easy for us to think we're that good.
For me personally, I leave behind the load of cow dung (putting it nicely) that is summer reading, and I leave behind a situation where I don't have a clue what's going on (hopefully I will in about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks, anyway, that's another story for another day). Crap and confusion, in which both cases are of no long-term importance. But when we tend to think that our problems ought to be the world's problem, trivial things become catastrophes.
What I'm trying to say is, at Fuge, we lose sight of what is trivial, and get the tiniest, yet awesome grasp of what is eternal and what is real. We see that we are that ugly and we see that God is that beautiful and forgiving and loving. It's going to be a great week. Please pray for everyone involved. Night guys.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Skin
I guess this is my first actual post about something.
I don't really know how to start. I guess I should start by saying my name is Evan (which hopefully you already know) and I'm just doing the best I can everyday. My friends say I'm really smart, but I don't really feel that way much of the time. I'm the shyest person in the world until you get to know me, so sorry if I"ve ever given you the cold shoulder, it's nothing personal, just the way God wired me. If you could think up the exact opposite of a so-called "lady's man", well, you're looking at him, baby. I'm smooth as sandpaper when it comes to the opposite sex, but like I said, I' m just trying my best everyday.
With that being said, I just want to say that I've learned over time, how important it is for us to be comfortable in our own skin. What you read above is just a little bit about me, but that is me, nevertheless. I see all the time people trying to put on a front and put on a show just to fit in, all because they feel like they can't be themselves. I recognize that a lot because I've been there, and I still venture there once in a blue moon, but I love who I am and I can only hope the people who are reading this, if anyone is at all, can say that about themselves. Love the person God has created you to be and embrace him or her with open arms. Once we do that, I think that allows us to connect with others at a deeper level, but hey, that's just my opinion.
anyway, gotta run. good night to all.
I don't really know how to start. I guess I should start by saying my name is Evan (which hopefully you already know) and I'm just doing the best I can everyday. My friends say I'm really smart, but I don't really feel that way much of the time. I'm the shyest person in the world until you get to know me, so sorry if I"ve ever given you the cold shoulder, it's nothing personal, just the way God wired me. If you could think up the exact opposite of a so-called "lady's man", well, you're looking at him, baby. I'm smooth as sandpaper when it comes to the opposite sex, but like I said, I' m just trying my best everyday.
With that being said, I just want to say that I've learned over time, how important it is for us to be comfortable in our own skin. What you read above is just a little bit about me, but that is me, nevertheless. I see all the time people trying to put on a front and put on a show just to fit in, all because they feel like they can't be themselves. I recognize that a lot because I've been there, and I still venture there once in a blue moon, but I love who I am and I can only hope the people who are reading this, if anyone is at all, can say that about themselves. Love the person God has created you to be and embrace him or her with open arms. Once we do that, I think that allows us to connect with others at a deeper level, but hey, that's just my opinion.
anyway, gotta run. good night to all.
new
I've heard of these things so I thought I'd give em a try. don't be surprised if some of what I say is incoherrent mess, just bear with me. I hope this becomes a great tool for me in the future. For now I'll just mess around with it and see where it goes...
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