Confusion

It's almost three in the morning, the morning of my birthday. I just got back from seeing the Dark Knight (amazing movie), but that's not why I felt the need to write in the early morning hours.

I mentioned before in my earlier posts that I am in no way a "ladies man", which I was reminded of tonight. You see, I accept the fact that I'm not smooth, and when in doubt of what to say, I don't say anything at all. I'm the self-proclaimed king of rejection, I'm afraid. I have what rejection looks like and the awkardness that follows in the days and weeks down to an art. I've been told every reason in the book why I'm a great guy, but just not "that" guy, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I cherish friendships, but I'm beginning to wonder what in the world "that" guy is supposed to be. It's so confusing to me. I am myself, but apparently a good guy kind of self doesn't cut it as opposed to "that" kind of self. I was raised to treat others with respect and to simply be myself with other people, but it feels like respect isn't what people are looking for anymore. It's frustrating, because I want to offer more, but no one seems to want it.

I don't write this because I'm upset at anyone; I write this because I am confused and upset at times because I know rejection so well. It's really late, and apparently I turn 17 today. yay!